dusk

The last couple of nights have been weird. Whether because it is coming to that time of the month or the weight of gloomy weather, but I sat on my couch last night and cried solidly for a few minutes. I've been feeling the breeze a bit more, the things I want to do, and how much I want to do them, pulling at me, my feelings for someone to whom I'm nothing, and the frustration in my repeating the same fate every week.. being low on money, which stresses me so much. I don't know how to do it.. once groceries are done, necessary buys and rent and paying off some debt... then I'm left with only a bit.. I guess it is my approach to. I could spread it out a little.

I'm doing well, feel a lot better today, don't why the last two days I've been feeling sad for. I think it's my hormones, the week before my doodahs I get moody, emotional.. not a week to watch dead man because then I become fatalistic and far too wistful. Far too thinking I'm beyond the here and now (which sometimes I don't even need art to inspire in me as a feeling) but it is there none the less.

Vellum is a book I'm really enjoying. Some awesome imagery in it. I'd like to read some Tom Robbins now that I have heard a bit more about him.

And I want to write. Write tonight.

I do like getting home at twilight and sitting with the back door open, typing up some ideas. There is something to that hour.

Now, if I can push away the feeling in my gut, tugging, my loving someone, I'll be fine. Just let go..
Move on