continuation - control

I've changed this week. Exerted some self control, made some decisions, decided to no longer counter act my good will with poor judgement and no self control.

I've been walking home and feeling clearer for it, softer, have more clarity, vibrancy, focus, happier, energetic, eating well and allowing myself one treat a day, as well as writing and making the effort to sit down to churn some ideas. And I'm not worrying, not being paranoid and placing importance on what may not even be real, those factors we add to our lives by having fears. I don't believe in them.

I'm taking better care of myself, more pride and respect in my manner, my appearance, my relations. I am more engaging now, more fluid, honest.

I do believe for the first time in my life that I have needed the bad things that have happened and the shitty people to push me onto a better path, and that is only because of my unyielding optimism that I have not let them drown me.

I am very happy with who I am. I feel that I have come a long way and am now the person I want to be, living the life I want to live, and not applying others rules on me, not changing for anyone, not invoking or inviting horrors in.

This is perhaps the most liberated I have ever been. All cobwebs have fallen down. Any doubts I had died with my fears. I feel electric.