I no longer feel frayed.
I've reached a point, a break through, where I am all that I wanted to be. Sure, there are goals I haven't yet reached, challenges not yet accomplished, people yet to meet, music yet to make, but I'm actually doing the things I have feared, learning the miracle of experimentation, and that it is healthy.
I've had a lover lately, I thought for a while it was something I wanted in my life, that I was ok with the emptiness of NSA sex. But that is not what I want. I think that is a cop out, of sorts.
To wait and share it with someone who loves every secret place of you, who worships you, who creates the feeling with you..a sultry, sensual tableture on sweaty sheets, THAT is "hot" THAT is beautiful.
I'm not going to see him again, avoid him where I can, talk to him only where I have to. I know he is seeing someone else and at first I was dismayed, hurt, and then it all just disappeared and I realised, in the face of something I feared happening, I actually don't care. And that feels good.
I guess I place reactions out there before the shit has even hit the fan. Sometimes we can delightfully surprise ourselves.
And I'm scared about the feelings I kind of have for someone else. I wonder if they are transient, if this is borne of some rose-tinted affair I have with the mystic side.
I am happy to be alone.
And I am happy with who I am. Loyal, fun, sincere. Optimistic, friendly. I've encountered people lately, and today very much so, that are on the defensive.
I'd hate to live in a cage,
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Behind the Veil of Leaves

- Phreedom
- I'm an artist, I'm just unknown by the rest of the planet. But one day, the world will recognise my initial, and smile. I only want to make peoples faces light up.
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